You Know You Go To Hedonism

You know you go to Hedonism II if:

  1. You own a glow in the dark bra with matching tutu. And so does your husband.
  2. You’ve typed the words SLUT WEAR into your browser while shopping on
  3. You’ve Googled Caribbean restaurants in your area because you were jonesing for some jerk chicken.
  4. You only know what rum cream tastes like off another person’s skin.
  5. Every time you see a piano you have to fight the urge to jump on it and helicopter your bra over your head.
  6. You turn into a vacationing ninja, hiding your actual location and making sure you check into one of the more family friendly resorts down the road.
  7. You’ve had  sex with your significant other in the bed whilst holding your phone or camera  pointed at the mirrored ceiling.
  8. You know what a WALL PIC means.
  9. You have Hedo bucks stashed somewhere in your room.
  10. You have a penis shaped memento crafted out of wood.
  11. Your passport has 23 stamps in it and 18 of them are from Jamaica.
  12.  You have mastered the naked Wobble.
  13. You’ve lost count of how many people have actually seen you naked.
  14.  The only time you have ever  bought drugs in your life was from a guy in a row boat.
  15.  Every one of your selfies are taken from the nipples UP.
  16. You can eat the same three things for 8 straight days and never get sick of it.
  17.  You’ve gotten on the plane to go home with a naked water slide bruise somewhere on your body.
  18. You’ve made out with a stranger wearing nothing but foam.
  19. You’re friends with someone on Facebook with the word HEDO in their name.
  20. You have bins in you closet filled with outfits that are so small they will fit into a zip lock bag.
  21. You know what an Austin omelet is. And now you want one.
  22. You know all too well what happens if you forget to put sunscreen on your sexy bits.
  23. You’ve raced a goat on the beach.
  24. You can get 9 days worth of clothes into one suitcase mostly because the only thing inside is shoes, bug spray and your insulated mug.
  25. You just left and you’re already planning to go back.

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