Coming to this decision, wasn’t an easy one. And I don’t think it ever should be.
I mean really? Think about it. A lot of couples when they first meet each other would freak out at the thought of their partner having sex with someone else, and rightfully so. In most relationships, having intercourse with another person is cheating. There is a fine line between debauchery and deceit.
So, when you finally arrive at the conclusion that you are not only OKAY with your spouse receiving oral from another woman, but you want to be there to help hold the hair away from her face when she does, some deep communication needs to happen.
There are many factors to consider before you even think about going to a swing club or party because as fun as the lifestyle is and as empowering as it can be for some couples, it can be just as destructive if you don’t educate yourself ABOUT yourself and your relationship, and you could be doing more damage than good.
First things first, keep it as simple as possible. Ask yourself why you want to do it. If the answer is because you are hoping to rekindle something lost long ago or because you are unhappy, you may want to do some more soul searching. In my opinion, swinging shouldn’t be used as a band aid for any relationship woes. It should be more like a bridge, connecting you even closer to your spouse than you already are.
First things first, a major factor that should be added to the mix before anything transpires is jealousy. Sure, it’s hot when you guys watch group sex porn or girl on girl videos, but the couples in the films aren’t married and barely even know each other. So, there is no hard feelings because they are not emotionally invested in each other. On the other hand, You know everything there is to know about your partner. Through the good times and the bad, sickness and health. And with those connections come a certain level of possessiveness that can often translate into jealousy. And although some jealousy can be healthy and even add to the dynamic of swinging, there’s no bigger mood ruin-er than a naked wife crying on a bed because her feelings got hurt watching her husband get a blowie from a stranger. Make sure you are not only okay with seeing your partner touch, kiss, fondle, and fuck someone else, but you are their biggest fan while they’re doing it.
The next step is to contemplate what level of swinging you will be comfortable with.Do you only want to watch? Voyeurism can be very hot and a lot of swingers start out this way when entering the lifestyle. Everything from camming to dogging ( we will talk more about this in another post down the road) to just getting a hotel room so 2 or more couples can have sex in the same room.
Are you or your spouse interested in bi play?
Bi play can include the two women playing and in some cases, the men as well. Decide what works best for you through talking first, before you just jump into having genitals of the opposite sex in your face.
Same room? Or separate?
Some couples want to swap but have performance issues and would prefer that the co-mingling happen in the same house/hotel but in a different room. While some prefer and often NEED to watch their partner performing sex acts on someone else because the visual adds to their connection and intensifies the moment.
Full swap or soft?
There is mucho confusion about what qualifies as full and soft swap. For us, and for a lot of swingers we have met and even played with, soft swap is everything but penetration. That means lots of kissing, sucking, licking, tugging and humping, but when it comes to DOING THE DO(AKA putting your male parts INSIDE her lady holes)…that get’s done with the partner they came with.
There are many factors to consider before you even think about going to a swing club or party because as fun as the lifestyle is and as empowering as it can be for some couples, it can be just as destructive if you don’t educate yourself ABOUT yourself and your relationship, and you could be doing more damage than good.
So, think it over. Think it through. Watch some porn , or try out some role play and dirty talk. Baby step your way in so that when you finally come to an agreement about whether this lifestyle is for you, you have completely educated both you and your partner and you’re ready for anything…good, bad or sexy that comes your way.
Happy exploring!!!